Ask, care, treat three words every Sailor hears every year to help support suicide prevention education. Suicide is one of the top causes of death in service members, yet the only 100% preventable one.
A group of Sailors assigned to the amphibious assault ship USS Wasp (LHD 1) is building up a suicide prevention team to help create an additional resource for personnel aboard who may be struggling internally.
For the month of September, the team organized several push-up challenges, conducted suicide training for all hands on the mess decks and even organized a suicide prevention fair and family day in hopes of showing Sailors how many resources exist to support them.
“The goal this month is to train everyone on the programs and resources that are available to them in any instance that they may need help coping mentally,” said Aviation Ordananceman Jared Learned, Wasp’s suicide prevention coordinator, “The fair will provide the opportunity for all Sailors to meet and talk to all the current SME's, to learn who they are, where they work, and what their job is to the Sailor. We also hope to invite the Sailors’ families on board so they can see the stressful work environment their spouses and parents are currently working in.”
Learned brought together a handful of Sailors to initiate the process. The team’s mission is to change the way people think and talk about suicide.
“My goal is to bring a different frame of mind,” said Learned. “The number one thing that I always say to Sailors is that thoughts about suicide is neither right nor wrong. The first thing we should do is acknowledge they are hurting, and then work on getting them the help they deserve.”
Often when discussing suicide, people bring up the impact it may have on loved ones and coworkers. This implies that the person struggling doesn’t care or is unaware, but more often than not the person at risk believes they are doing what’s best for everyone.
Learned experienced the impact of suicide at a very young age and has continued to feel that impact throughout his career. As a teenager, he found his mother after she had died from suicide, and since joining the Navy, he’s grieved the suicides of five Sailors. He said he never wants anyone to feel that suicide is the only way to make the pain end. Everyone deserves to go home to their family and continue writing their stories.
Losing someone to suicide can often feel like an abrupt ending to a story. There are many words left unsaid and actions left unfinished, and there isn’t always an answer to why.
“Growing up without one of the most key figures in your life is debilitating,” said Learned. “To this day I do not know why my mother took her life. I was left to wonder if I wasn't good enough to be the one thing that kept her from doing it. When people express how proud they think she would be of what I am and how far I have come, the one thing that comes to mind is ‘how do I know?’.”
Empathy and compassion are the weapons most important to combatting suicide. People struggling in the dark often feel isolated, alone and unheard. Even without training, any person can make a difference. Being there just to listen to their story and hear their pain and validate it can change them from a person-at-risk to a person in pain.
“It’s the feeling that you want to kill yourself and there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, but I’ve found that’s a lie,” said Aviation Boatswain’s Mate 3rd Class Gordan Stijak, a member of the suicide prevention team. “There is always someone out there who wants to sit down with you and talk you through it. To be honest that’s it. There’s people who believe that no one wants to hear, but that’s just not true.”
Someone who appears to be struggling in life and needs to vent about and someone potentially contemplating suicide can appear difficult to discern. The solution to this conundrum is simple: ask.
“One thing you should not avoid and is the toughest question to ask is, are you contemplating suicide? Are you feeling suicidal?’” said Stijak. “Speaking from personal experience, some people mean it and some people say it joking as a way to vent frustration, and you’ll never know unless you ask the question.”
Once the topic of conversation is known, the way forward comes down to understanding, caring and getting them to treatment. Never dismiss it when someone says they are feeling suicidal. The feelings are valid and real and someone in pain should be able to feel those emotions. Learned said, just don’t leave them alone. Stay with them. Listen to them. After they have been able to express themselves, take them to someone who can help. Resources on board include the Chaplains, medical, the SPC and even the chain of command. A person at-risk may have a plan and it’s important to disrupt that plan by removing means or moving locations.
People of various ranks and rates, officer and enlisted have struggled with mental health, and unfortunately, too many have lost their battle with Suicide. Knowing how and when to talk to the people in charge could turn things around.
“Sailors are the life blood of the Navy, and should know that their chain of command is there to support them,” said Learned. “No one joined the Navy to take their life, but sometimes Sailors find themselves in a dark place, and it is important to give them as many ways as possible to rise back up so they can live a long and healthy life.”
Suicide doesn’t solve the problem it passes it on to someone else. To the world you are only one person, but to one person you may be the world. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There is the story about a man who didn’t jump off the San Francisco Bay Bridge because a stranger smiled at him. Clichés echo in the mind whenever suicide prevention is brought up, and most have heard the stories and lectures and trainings. Phrases like If you’re hurting, reach out and Don’t suffer in silence are plastered on social media, flyers and posters.
If you, or someone you know, is dealing with thoughts of suicide please call the suicide emergency line 988, go to medical or the emergency room, visit Fleet and Family or reach out to a member of the Suicide Prevention Team.